Thank you Lord for the beautiful world and your blessings upon the earth and the people. ☺

I think I have a lot of things to say but sometimes I feel that I don't have enough words to describe it in details. I'm just hoping for someone to save me from this feeling. Feel so disturbed, bored and confused. My heart talks, nobody hears. My mouth speaks but nobody cares. Then, what's left for me?

Lord God, I have been so far from you now. I've been stray a lot. Forgive me Lord. Maybe this is the way I should pay my sins to you Lord. When I forsake you, people forsake me too. Maybe that's how you feel, Lord. I'm sorry, you've waited for me long dear Lord...

Why do people always love the beautiful things but ignoring the ugly thing? Maybe when it happens just like the story of The Ugly Duckling who turns into a beautiful and graceful swan, then people will pay attention to him/her? What has he/she done? Please...this world is just so unfair!

Everytime I close my eyes, I'm afraid that I'll never wake up again. I'm afraid of the dark but it terrifies me more to die with this sin. Please forgive me Lord. If it is time for me to go back to YOU, please let me make this thing clear; I love my family, friends and those who are close to me. Save me from this sin, LORD. Amen!

I feel sad today. I don't know why. I just can't figure out the reason. This feeling hurts me a lot. Anybody, I' saying that I'm sorry if I have hurt you. Please forgive me...

I'm kinda stress lately. Everything seems to need my attention. Here, there, tomorrow, today, you, him, me...bla..bla..bla..huh! I can't breathe like this. I'm tired of this life but I know I shouldn't. I'm just thinking why do people always ask me to do something that I don't like? Why do people asking me to think over something that don't even came across my mind and ended up with worthless argument? Everything is just why, why, why, and why?

How I wish I can live as I wish to. I don't need people telling me what to do without considering my needs. There's a saying, 'you can bring a horse to water but you can't make it drink'. The horse is me but you can't push me. Please. I really need you to understand me. If you don't, then who else will? Please, I'm begging you. Let me live my own life, in the way I wish to and in the way I feel free and peaceful too. PLEASE!

Sunset Mass, Saturday/6.00pm.
St. Joseph Cathedral, Kuching

I really love to share what I saw and what I have experienced:

Yesterday, I went to St. Joseph Cathedral for Sunset Mass , I saw this pity teenage boy. What made me feel sad was that, he's kinda mentally retarded or maybe he has some kind of disability. First, I didn't notice he was there, sitting just a few steps from me and my roommate. Back then, I just thought that he was just like many ordinary people praying there. After that, I noticed that he was special, he sang out song loudly, with spirit and big smile painted on his face. I feel like seeing my younger brother in him. I suddenly felt this kind of feeling; sad, confused, touched, sort of. Why do this world is so cruel? Why are there people still need to suffer?

I still remember this line that he sang very loud: By the time I called Your name, You answered me Oh God!

I felt tears washed up eyes, I couldn't help myself that I cried. How great is his love to the Lord. I can't describe in detail my feeling that time. I was just so touched by his love towards God. You know what, he was sitting there by himself. Nobody sat beside him. When the Father asked us to give the sign of peace to each other, he even came to us first! He gave out his hand, hoping for us to receive his sign of peace. He smiled. I feel like I want to hug him and give thanks to him for making me realized my mistake. He was so beautiful in my eyes and YES of course, he is the most beautiful person in God's eyes. He deserved God's love and blessing. Oh God, how shameful it is for me. I have everything but still I'm not being grateful to God. I didn't give thanks to Him everyday. But what does this guy do? He smiled happily in God's house: the church. God, I feel embarrassed by him!

Still, I cannot forget him until now. I wish my love for God is as great as his. Lord, please bless him. Forgive me Lord. I feel sorry for myself. I hope of seeing him again. I want to learn from him how to love you oh Lord.